you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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