dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!