I got chris browned last night
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..