Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
