just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.