what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
