Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
