why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...