I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
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Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes