im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.