my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
