thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
