yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
