She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
