is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
