i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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