i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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