my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
