we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
