last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
