ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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