I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
