Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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