my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
