She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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