This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
