my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
