I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
