I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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