a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
