1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
