ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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