9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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