I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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