When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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