shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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