last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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