just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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