I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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