Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
