I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
