Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
