Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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