Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
