I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I AM VODKA MAN
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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