yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
