first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
