My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
