Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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