I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
