he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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