I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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