just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
