y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
