Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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