Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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