hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
