just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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