Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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