After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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