Need sex. Gaining weight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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