I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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