sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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