i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
A+ Viking dick
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
