I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize