apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
