Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
