He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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