Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
