recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
