if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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