you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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