my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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