You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
