u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
