I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
