i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
